Another Interview With Avery

Interviewer:  So today, unfortunately, and with great regret on my part…we’re here with Avery Bartholomew Pendleton, the star of both The Chupacabra and the recently released sequel, Trail of the Chupacabra, by Stephen Randel

Avery:  It’s Sir Pendleton to you, little man.

Interviewer:  Pardon me?

Avery:  None taken.

Interviewer:  What?

Avery:  Exactly.

Interviewer:  Okay, I’ve been told it would be like this.  Anyway, it’s been said you’re both obnoxious and rude…

Avery:  It’s a lie.

Interviewer:  I agree.

Avery:  You do?

Interviewer:  Yes, after observing you for the last few seconds, I can say you’re the complete opposite of obnoxious and rude…you’re rude and obnoxious.  Moving on, what’s the point of this new story?

Avery:  It’s about me, obviously.  The book is centered on my daring adventures and heroic deeds.  Crazy Mexican drug cartels and chupacabras aside…

Interviewer:  Mr. Pendleton, please.  There is no such thing as a chupacabra.

Avery:  You should be very careful with absolute statements.  Global warming is driving them north.  It’s a fact…

Interviewer:  Then why haven’t you found one?  It’s been two books?

Avery:  Bad luck.  Poor support.  Those militia guys really suck.

Interviewer:  Militia guys?

Avery:  Yes, the author refuses to hire ninjas and relies on civilian militia instead.  I think he’s just trying to save money.  He’s an idiot.  It kills the story.

Interviewer:  What would ninjas do against the Mexican drug cartels?

Avery:  Sling throwing stars and stuff.

Interviewer:  Throwing stars?  You’re not making any sense.

Avery:  Look…the book could possibly be about the horrific struggles of the Mexican people with the violence in their country.  The unique part is it’s a laugh-out-loud dark comedy full of eccentric characters as well.

Interviewer:  Why didn’t you say so before?  I’ve been told the Trail of the Chupacabra has so much more character development, so much more history about the country, and, of course, more of your insane letters.

Avery:  Time’s up.  I want my money.

Interviewer:  Money?

Avery:  Remuneration for this interview.  Paid in full, or I’ll kill the iguana.

Interviewer:  What iguana?

Avery:  Nancy.  Pay me, or I’ll off Nancy!

Interviewer:  Nancy?  I don’t know who Nancy is.

Avery:  Read the book, jackass.  Hell, read the first one, too.  Then, if you figure it out, tell me what you think the book means.  I like a good laugh…

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